Dildsterfield Dizwold sat in his driveway one day,
He pooped a log in the month of May,
Up came the thing and dried up all the rain,
And the itsy bitsy spider crawled up the thing again.
www.dank-master.com
Tuesday, March 31, 2015
Sunday, March 29, 2015
Masterpiece
I know, I know,
I confused some of you with that last one in that it actually made sense...
Im sorry...
IL NEVER DO IT AGAIN!
DONT MAKE ME ADD AN L TO THAT LAST LINE!
Ok,
Lets proceed with the informalities.
If only you were reading this in real time and could have waited while I thought of that word.
Which word? You ask.
Nevermind.
Just shut up and read the blog!
There.
Good.
Youre doing well,
Youre in momentum,
Getting a little interesting now,
And a little more,
But then a little redundant...
Youre trailing off...
Come back.
OK.
GOOD!
Youre back!
Dont hesitate!
Keep your chin up!
Youre doing it!
Youre almost there!
Just keep reading!
The payoff is coming soon!
Dont skip ahead!
Read every line!
The fortune is in the pudding...
Or something like that,
D'oh!
Youre losing me again.
Ok, ok,
Stay with me,
I swear Ill do it this time,
Just dont delete me,
Promise?
Alright, here we go,
The end of the poem,
Is finally here,
And ther you have it!
CHODE!
I confused some of you with that last one in that it actually made sense...
Im sorry...
IL NEVER DO IT AGAIN!
DONT MAKE ME ADD AN L TO THAT LAST LINE!
Ok,
Lets proceed with the informalities.
If only you were reading this in real time and could have waited while I thought of that word.
Which word? You ask.
Nevermind.
Just shut up and read the blog!
There.
Good.
Youre doing well,
Youre in momentum,
Getting a little interesting now,
And a little more,
But then a little redundant...
Youre trailing off...
Come back.
OK.
GOOD!
Youre back!
Dont hesitate!
Keep your chin up!
Youre doing it!
Youre almost there!
Just keep reading!
The payoff is coming soon!
Dont skip ahead!
Read every line!
The fortune is in the pudding...
Or something like that,
D'oh!
Youre losing me again.
Ok, ok,
Stay with me,
I swear Ill do it this time,
Just dont delete me,
Promise?
Alright, here we go,
The end of the poem,
Is finally here,
And ther you have it!
CHODE!
Saturday, March 28, 2015
You CAN! You WILL!
Measure your yardstick,
Your return is equal to your service,
You can tell your own fortune,
The price you pay,
For what you want.
Enrich yourself by benefiting other,
You cant get rich taking from others,
Trying to make a new law just for yourself,
But the greater laws of the universe cannot be broken.
Set a goal,
Stop thinking of why you cant be successful,
Think about why you CAN,
How have you been thinking since your childhood?
How have you been thinking about yourself?
Act like the successful version of yourself that you want to be.
Pay the price,
Become,
Test yourself and test your thoughts,
Write down your goal,
And live this new way.
The abundance will pour riches all over you,
Peace will be all around your successful life,
You have nothing to lose.
Win back your life.
Your return is equal to your service,
You can tell your own fortune,
The price you pay,
For what you want.
Enrich yourself by benefiting other,
You cant get rich taking from others,
Trying to make a new law just for yourself,
But the greater laws of the universe cannot be broken.
Set a goal,
Stop thinking of why you cant be successful,
Think about why you CAN,
How have you been thinking since your childhood?
How have you been thinking about yourself?
Act like the successful version of yourself that you want to be.
Pay the price,
Become,
Test yourself and test your thoughts,
Write down your goal,
And live this new way.
The abundance will pour riches all over you,
Peace will be all around your successful life,
You have nothing to lose.
Win back your life.
Wednesday, March 25, 2015
DANK MASTER game
Yes, indeed, looking for a programmer to fulfill the need.
A game for you a game for me,
Please oh please,
Inbox me.
Its written,
Its randy,
Its kickass,
Its savvy.
It needs your help,
To reach the shelf.
So everyone can play,
Dank Master today.
If you can program game apps,
And kick ass at it,
And are ready to be rich,
Then follow my lead,
Get the drift?
Contact me telepathicly,
Then via e-mail,
No snails.
www.dank-master.com
A game for you a game for me,
Please oh please,
Inbox me.
Its written,
Its randy,
Its kickass,
Its savvy.
It needs your help,
To reach the shelf.
So everyone can play,
Dank Master today.
If you can program game apps,
And kick ass at it,
And are ready to be rich,
Then follow my lead,
Get the drift?
Contact me telepathicly,
Then via e-mail,
No snails.
www.dank-master.com
Tuesday, March 24, 2015
Legalize Treedom
Legalize Triggle,
Like it aint already the real wiggle.
God said, let there be cheggle,
And I said hand over that shmeggle.
Real talk,
Worm poop on the rocks.
Add some chalk,
Water, and go for a walk.
LOL
Whats the real way to do to?
Light your farts, theres nothing to it.
Like plant farts from a non-tulip.
Like plant parts hashed together in a zip.
Just do walk around for the real way,
In the Himalayas on a sunny day.
Then find the secret garden,
With green pubes, and jars full of garland.
When I finish this album,
Hell will be frozen over,
So grab a snowboard,
And a bulldozer.
Its time to invite God over.
Satan wont pass,
Just puff puff puff without a gasp.
Bogart like a byotch.
Step aside, choch!
Oh, is this blog supposed to be about legalizing?
I thought it was a random title that needs resizing.
Ill leave it as is,
And your imagination will complete the biz.
Like it aint already the real wiggle.
God said, let there be cheggle,
And I said hand over that shmeggle.
Real talk,
Worm poop on the rocks.
Add some chalk,
Water, and go for a walk.
LOL
Whats the real way to do to?
Light your farts, theres nothing to it.
Like plant farts from a non-tulip.
Like plant parts hashed together in a zip.
Just do walk around for the real way,
In the Himalayas on a sunny day.
Then find the secret garden,
With green pubes, and jars full of garland.
When I finish this album,
Hell will be frozen over,
So grab a snowboard,
And a bulldozer.
Its time to invite God over.
Satan wont pass,
Just puff puff puff without a gasp.
Bogart like a byotch.
Step aside, choch!
Oh, is this blog supposed to be about legalizing?
I thought it was a random title that needs resizing.
Ill leave it as is,
And your imagination will complete the biz.
Sunday, March 22, 2015
FUCKING POEM!
Bombastic phallus with the mostest.
Chudzy pyelpenstein with a fungal breach.
Poop coming out.
And then going back in?!?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME??
IM TRYING TO READ A FUCKING POEM HERE, BRO!
Nonsensical paddy-whack dog bone.
This blog is ridiculous.
Finish your espresso and shart an aardvark.
No, Id rather sit by the beach and write a blog post.
FINE! HAVE IT YOUR WAY!
Have it your way, have it your way.
At poopcycle salad friendship land.
Where theres construction round the clock.
And nowhere to stick your cock.
Whos writing this anyway...
www.dank-master.com
Chudzy pyelpenstein with a fungal breach.
Poop coming out.
And then going back in?!?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME??
IM TRYING TO READ A FUCKING POEM HERE, BRO!
Nonsensical paddy-whack dog bone.
This blog is ridiculous.
Finish your espresso and shart an aardvark.
No, Id rather sit by the beach and write a blog post.
FINE! HAVE IT YOUR WAY!
Have it your way, have it your way.
At poopcycle salad friendship land.
Where theres construction round the clock.
And nowhere to stick your cock.
Whos writing this anyway...
www.dank-master.com
Homegrown
Here goes!
Another rhyme full of chodes!
Another one for the record books!
Another one collecting dirty looks!
If youve made it to the second stanza, youre just on time!
Just about now is when I turn you into a lime,
By spouting voodoo ment for the stoned,
Quizlov McGregor, home alone.
Is it working?
Are you naked yet?
Just about now,
Youre getting wet.
Horny from a poem?
Voodoo homegrown.
For the lavish mental state,
Step right up, dont be late!
This poem will pass you by,
Unless your red eyes are pried open wide.
So speak quickly,
While I write down your thoughts,
Theres one, just now,
Come again?
Its lost...
www.dank-master.com
Another rhyme full of chodes!
Another one for the record books!
Another one collecting dirty looks!
If youve made it to the second stanza, youre just on time!
Just about now is when I turn you into a lime,
By spouting voodoo ment for the stoned,
Quizlov McGregor, home alone.
Is it working?
Are you naked yet?
Just about now,
Youre getting wet.
Horny from a poem?
Voodoo homegrown.
For the lavish mental state,
Step right up, dont be late!
This poem will pass you by,
Unless your red eyes are pried open wide.
So speak quickly,
While I write down your thoughts,
Theres one, just now,
Come again?
Its lost...
www.dank-master.com
Monday, March 16, 2015
Winning
Are you thinking?
Are you awake?
Do you believe you will be successful?
Does life seem like an adventure to you?
Do you go to work every day?
What happened to the sparkle that you used to have when you were younger?
What is success?
Success is the realization of a worthy ideal?
If you are not progressing toward your ideal,
You cannot succeed.
Conformity,
The trouble of our time.
The millions of broke people,
Depending on the system,
Milking the teat of the machine.
In the richest land in the world?
Why are you conforming?
Are you influenced by your external enviroment?
Do you have any idea why you are working?
Because everyone else is doing it?
What else is everyone else doing?
Are they deliberately achieving their dreams?
What will happen to human beings?
What will guerantee you will be successful?
What is the key?
Why do some people seem to get everything?
Why do successful people get more and more success?
Are you goals mapped out and planned out?
Do you have a definite goal?
Will you get to where you started out to get?
Will you get anywhere without a destination?
The economy is slowed down by the weakest members,
Why is it so easy to support yourself under the veil of security?
Your life will never be the same again,
The things you want will start to fall in line,
Doubt and fear will melt into your past.
The key to success and the key to failure,
We become what we think about.
This is the agreement of the universe.
Everything comes when you must accomplish your goal,
You will become what you think about all day long.
What are you thinking about?
It will become real.
If you care enough for a result,
You will certainly attain it.
All things are possible if you believe it.
If you think positive thoughts, you will live a positive life.
Make the circumstances that you want.
We become what we think.
Frustration, fear, anxiety?
Thinking about nothing?
Watching TV?
Make the decision.
Your mind is like fertile land,
Whatever we plant, will grow.
The mind will grow any dream that we want to plant.
The mind is free,
Success is free,
Dreams are free,
Friends are free.
We use our brains for little things, instead of important decisions.
What is it that you want?
The laws of the universe always work.
Think about your goal in a positive way.
See yourself as achieving this goal.
Think about what you will be doing after you achieve the goal.
We are the total of our thoughts.
We mold ourselves into our future.
We are sitting at the controls of a massive, powerful machine,
You are in the drivers seat.
Life is an exciting adventure,
Do your job well,
You are good,
You are going somewhere.
Put yourself to the test.
It can change your life for the better.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.
To get a result, you have to pay the price.
Be an exceptional person,
We must be willing to pay the price.
We become what we think about,
And we have control over our lives.
Permit your mind to SOAR,
The opportunities are beyond belief,
Think positively about yourself and your goal,
Let your imagination free.
Save a percentage of the money you earn,
Let your imagination soar,
Concentrate on your goal,
And act on your ideas!
You have nothing to lose!
We all want something, write it down and define it clearly,
Think about it positively when you wake up,
Remember that you will become what you think about.
As soon as you start thinking about it, it is yours.
Form this new habit,
Stop thinking about your fears,
Replace them with your positive goal,
Begin replacing your fears with your goal,
Life will return it to you, more than what you give.
Just know where you are going,
Understand this simple secret,
Be cheerful,
Abundance will come to you when you give yourself,
Keep your goal before you every day.
"Act as though it is impossible to fail."
Persistance is faith,
You may get overwhelmed,
But start again and your new habit will be formed,
A new way of living,
A new habit.
Dont worry,
All you have to do is think about your goal,
Stay cheerful,
And stay on course.
Do you want to conform,
Join the negative things in life?
Remind yourself of this new habit.
Read this over and over again,
Provide people with something useful,
Serve people,
Be successful,
Dont wait for the result to take action.
Dont be concerned with money,
There is no limit to the abundance in the world.
Contribute to it.
And it will come to you.
What service are you rendering?
How are you measuring your service?
The laws of the universe cannot be broken.
Set a definite goal,
Stop thinking about why it wont work,
Think about the person you want to be,
Write down the type of person you want to become.
Become the person you want to become.
Repeat this and live this new way,
Money,
Peace,
Cheer,
Success,
Winning.
www.dank-master.com
Are you awake?
Do you believe you will be successful?
Does life seem like an adventure to you?
Do you go to work every day?
What happened to the sparkle that you used to have when you were younger?
What is success?
Success is the realization of a worthy ideal?
If you are not progressing toward your ideal,
You cannot succeed.
Conformity,
The trouble of our time.
The millions of broke people,
Depending on the system,
Milking the teat of the machine.
In the richest land in the world?
Why are you conforming?
Are you influenced by your external enviroment?
Do you have any idea why you are working?
Because everyone else is doing it?
What else is everyone else doing?
Are they deliberately achieving their dreams?
What will happen to human beings?
What will guerantee you will be successful?
What is the key?
Why do some people seem to get everything?
Why do successful people get more and more success?
Are you goals mapped out and planned out?
Do you have a definite goal?
Will you get to where you started out to get?
Will you get anywhere without a destination?
The economy is slowed down by the weakest members,
Why is it so easy to support yourself under the veil of security?
Your life will never be the same again,
The things you want will start to fall in line,
Doubt and fear will melt into your past.
The key to success and the key to failure,
We become what we think about.
This is the agreement of the universe.
Everything comes when you must accomplish your goal,
You will become what you think about all day long.
What are you thinking about?
It will become real.
If you care enough for a result,
You will certainly attain it.
All things are possible if you believe it.
If you think positive thoughts, you will live a positive life.
Make the circumstances that you want.
We become what we think.
Frustration, fear, anxiety?
Thinking about nothing?
Watching TV?
Make the decision.
Your mind is like fertile land,
Whatever we plant, will grow.
The mind will grow any dream that we want to plant.
The mind is free,
Success is free,
Dreams are free,
Friends are free.
We use our brains for little things, instead of important decisions.
What is it that you want?
The laws of the universe always work.
Think about your goal in a positive way.
See yourself as achieving this goal.
Think about what you will be doing after you achieve the goal.
We are the total of our thoughts.
We mold ourselves into our future.
We are sitting at the controls of a massive, powerful machine,
You are in the drivers seat.
Life is an exciting adventure,
Do your job well,
You are good,
You are going somewhere.
Put yourself to the test.
It can change your life for the better.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.
To get a result, you have to pay the price.
Be an exceptional person,
We must be willing to pay the price.
We become what we think about,
And we have control over our lives.
Permit your mind to SOAR,
The opportunities are beyond belief,
Think positively about yourself and your goal,
Let your imagination free.
Save a percentage of the money you earn,
Let your imagination soar,
Concentrate on your goal,
And act on your ideas!
You have nothing to lose!
We all want something, write it down and define it clearly,
Think about it positively when you wake up,
Remember that you will become what you think about.
As soon as you start thinking about it, it is yours.
Form this new habit,
Stop thinking about your fears,
Replace them with your positive goal,
Begin replacing your fears with your goal,
Life will return it to you, more than what you give.
Just know where you are going,
Understand this simple secret,
Be cheerful,
Abundance will come to you when you give yourself,
Keep your goal before you every day.
"Act as though it is impossible to fail."
Persistance is faith,
You may get overwhelmed,
But start again and your new habit will be formed,
A new way of living,
A new habit.
Dont worry,
All you have to do is think about your goal,
Stay cheerful,
And stay on course.
Do you want to conform,
Join the negative things in life?
Remind yourself of this new habit.
Read this over and over again,
Provide people with something useful,
Serve people,
Be successful,
Dont wait for the result to take action.
Dont be concerned with money,
There is no limit to the abundance in the world.
Contribute to it.
And it will come to you.
What service are you rendering?
How are you measuring your service?
The laws of the universe cannot be broken.
Set a definite goal,
Stop thinking about why it wont work,
Think about the person you want to be,
Write down the type of person you want to become.
Become the person you want to become.
Repeat this and live this new way,
Money,
Peace,
Cheer,
Success,
Winning.
www.dank-master.com
Monday, March 9, 2015
Highborg
Up all night in my prosthetic body,
Preparing to write a blog for you,
For us,
For them,
And for me.
Here I am holding in prosthetic pee,
And hoping that my audience agrees with my message.
Because I dont know what it is yet.
Do you?
Do they?
The plant knows,
It always does.
But sometimes it gets me wrong stylistically,
And waits for me to grow,
As I clone myself,
And blog as my clone,
Will the potency be compramised?
No.
Whats the best thing to feed to my prosthetic body?
Earth worm castings,
And cheddar.
Preparing to write a blog for you,
For us,
For them,
And for me.
Here I am holding in prosthetic pee,
And hoping that my audience agrees with my message.
Because I dont know what it is yet.
Do you?
Do they?
The plant knows,
It always does.
But sometimes it gets me wrong stylistically,
And waits for me to grow,
As I clone myself,
And blog as my clone,
Will the potency be compramised?
No.
Whats the best thing to feed to my prosthetic body?
Earth worm castings,
And cheddar.
Friday, March 6, 2015
Weed Eater
EAT IT!
EAT IT NOW,
Before you read this post!
You should get wiggled up,
Spread the butter on your toast!
Trust me, it'll be better,
Just eat it and wait till later,
Read it when youre chedder.
Ok, has it been long enough?
Kicking in much?
Your eyelids are heavy,
Ready to munch?
Alright! The time has come,
To read this poem.
Youre already reading it you say?
Well the journey is only beginning,
By the end you will surely be winning.
To win in life,
To give it your all,
Wake up to the higher call,
Higher and higher, until youre Deep Friar,
Dont worry about my punctuation,
My grammar is also on vacation,
Just tune into the message,
Through me from above,
A message of winning and love,
Because what else is there,
In this strange and awesome life,
Except loving and living and sparking a pipe?
Nothing worthwhile,
Nothing worth worrying about,
Nothing worth hurrying about.
Check the clock,
Is it there?
Ok, good.
Check your pulse,
Is it still there?
Fantastic!
Checkmate.
www.dank-master.com
EAT IT NOW,
Before you read this post!
You should get wiggled up,
Spread the butter on your toast!
Trust me, it'll be better,
Just eat it and wait till later,
Read it when youre chedder.
Ok, has it been long enough?
Kicking in much?
Your eyelids are heavy,
Ready to munch?
Alright! The time has come,
To read this poem.
Youre already reading it you say?
Well the journey is only beginning,
By the end you will surely be winning.
To win in life,
To give it your all,
Wake up to the higher call,
Higher and higher, until youre Deep Friar,
Dont worry about my punctuation,
My grammar is also on vacation,
Just tune into the message,
Through me from above,
A message of winning and love,
Because what else is there,
In this strange and awesome life,
Except loving and living and sparking a pipe?
Nothing worthwhile,
Nothing worth worrying about,
Nothing worth hurrying about.
Check the clock,
Is it there?
Ok, good.
Check your pulse,
Is it still there?
Fantastic!
Checkmate.
www.dank-master.com
Dank Master comic on Facebook
Dank Master the feature film
@DankMastermovie on Twitter
Tumblr.com/dankmasterkush
Rub Up Against! studios
Dank Master the feature film
@DankMastermovie on Twitter
Tumblr.com/dankmasterkush
Rub Up Against! studios
Thursday, March 5, 2015
Watched pot never boils
Waiting for the grass to grow,
Waiting for the paint to dry,
Waiting for the watched pot to boil,
Watching pot boil makes me cry.
Why must you boil your pot?
Isnt it much better broiled?
Or simmered in oils?
Shotgunned,
Or even burnt in foil?
www.dank-master.com
Waiting for the paint to dry,
Waiting for the watched pot to boil,
Watching pot boil makes me cry.
Why must you boil your pot?
Isnt it much better broiled?
Or simmered in oils?
Shotgunned,
Or even burnt in foil?
www.dank-master.com
Wednesday, March 4, 2015
Tripping Balls?
Tripping Balls?
What are they?
Balls made out of wood or clay?
Tripping Balls?
These balls of mine,
Are tripping two at a time.
Tripping Balls?
Are balls that trip?
Or are they balls where moisture drip?
NO! Not those, those private things,
You mean the ones on ding-a-lings?
Tripping Balls,
Not dripping balls!
Bouncing balls on hallway walls?
Those are bouncy balls, not Tripping Balls,
Tripping Balls, are the biggest balls of them all!
Whos got Tripping Balls,
Gokus got Tripping Balls,
Motherfucker, those are DRAGON balls!
Dont mistake,
Before its too late,
These Tripping Balls,
Never wait,
They trip and trip,
With or without,
So join on in,
Release your doubts.
www.dank-master.com
What are they?
Balls made out of wood or clay?
Tripping Balls?
These balls of mine,
Are tripping two at a time.
Tripping Balls?
Are balls that trip?
Or are they balls where moisture drip?
NO! Not those, those private things,
You mean the ones on ding-a-lings?
Tripping Balls,
Not dripping balls!
Bouncing balls on hallway walls?
Those are bouncy balls, not Tripping Balls,
Tripping Balls, are the biggest balls of them all!
Whos got Tripping Balls,
Gokus got Tripping Balls,
Motherfucker, those are DRAGON balls!
Dont mistake,
Before its too late,
These Tripping Balls,
Never wait,
They trip and trip,
With or without,
So join on in,
Release your doubts.
www.dank-master.com
Tuesday, March 3, 2015
Blogging Machine!
Its been a little while since I poemed,
I was busy wiggling around an island wriggling through multi-media,
Making music videos,
And marketing my dild off,
Join us while we flap our gums off,
Rotting off our teeth on gum-drops,
Marketing new products like cum-pops.
Well... maybe not, but preparing to make a movie is hard work,
Especially when the community thinks youre a jerk,
But I know all you readers understand me,
And have the decency to aim when you pee,
I cant say that for everyone,
Not our here in the fukkin Pyelp Land,
When the peoples skulls are thicker than a cast iron pan,
And its not OK to make fun of the disabled,
But I sure could spin a pretty good fable,
About numb-skulls around the world who just dont get it,
But not us, were legit, we dont quit, and we re-up like a perky tit.
So gather roung, while I make spelling errers,
Like I dont kerr,
Cuz we doin it like that round hya,
Cant spell shit wrong in a movie yall,
Its a motion pichure,
Not a goddamn dikchernary!
But for all you action fans,
And high-minded artists,
Our cinematography will make cum yer wife,
Er somethin like that, you know we be kickin ass,
Kicking special actors through special effects glass,
Kicking to the head and below the belt,
And making sure the message is felt,
Not heard,
Or seen,
But gets ya right in the spleen.
www.dank-master.com
I was busy wiggling around an island wriggling through multi-media,
Making music videos,
And marketing my dild off,
Join us while we flap our gums off,
Rotting off our teeth on gum-drops,
Marketing new products like cum-pops.
Well... maybe not, but preparing to make a movie is hard work,
Especially when the community thinks youre a jerk,
But I know all you readers understand me,
And have the decency to aim when you pee,
I cant say that for everyone,
Not our here in the fukkin Pyelp Land,
When the peoples skulls are thicker than a cast iron pan,
And its not OK to make fun of the disabled,
But I sure could spin a pretty good fable,
About numb-skulls around the world who just dont get it,
But not us, were legit, we dont quit, and we re-up like a perky tit.
So gather roung, while I make spelling errers,
Like I dont kerr,
Cuz we doin it like that round hya,
Cant spell shit wrong in a movie yall,
Its a motion pichure,
Not a goddamn dikchernary!
But for all you action fans,
And high-minded artists,
Our cinematography will make cum yer wife,
Er somethin like that, you know we be kickin ass,
Kicking special actors through special effects glass,
Kicking to the head and below the belt,
And making sure the message is felt,
Not heard,
Or seen,
But gets ya right in the spleen.
www.dank-master.com
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