Chellis

No money for food,
No food for thought,
No psychedelics to try,
No drugs to be bought.

No dice,
No chellis,
No shit,
Fo shellis.

Takin craps like Las Vegas,
Mushroom caps,
I wish.
No I dont,
Yes I do.
Stop that,
OK.

No typographical errors,
No one home,
No one to trust,
Give a dog a bone.

Wait, give ME that bone!
Im hungry,
And not above gnawing,
Ham on the Bone,
Crack in the Egg,
GWAR tribute page.

Poem without sense,
Sense without poem,
Meop tuohtiw esnes,
Esnes tuohtiw meop.



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Poop-Titty, Zoo-Going Lady by G Honey

By G. Honey

What`s that? 

Speak into my good ear!

The left side of my face is paralyzed,

And my hearing is impaired.

It was that damn monkey

At the zoo!

First he threw

A gigantic handful of poop,

And it stained my favorite shirt!

You know

The one with the silhouette

Of Ron Jeremy’s cock on it?

Anyway,

I had the poopy

All over my shirt.

It bounced off my tits

Leaving a gross splatter,

And then the poop

Bounced off my belly,

Slightly to the right of Ronnie’s balls.

I was so angry

I chucked my Pabst Blue Ribbon

At the monkey.

But I missed and hit a young woman.

She was really thin

So she deserved it,

Probably a vegan.

Blasphemers!

This is the part

Where my hearing became impaired

And my face half paralyzed.

You see,

A security guard

Rushed me

And beat me with a baton

Because I had an outside container in the zoo.

So that's why

I don't go to the zoo

No more.

I ain`t goddamn rich!

Anyway,

What was it you were saying?

A little louder sonny…



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Not Just Any Blog!

Alright, tis been a while since I wrote one about DANK MASTER.
Dont get antsy in your pantsy,
The time has cum,
To rhyme,
Some,
In a pattern.
WELL WHY NOT?
I can do as I please, here in my blog,
My rhymes will be in whatever shape I desire!
Dont judge,
Cuz I wont budge.
My Artistic endeavors,
Are none of my business,
My business, is none of my artistic endeavor.
So keep reading, and see if I can sculpt any neat shape on the page,
I will,
I wont,
Ill misbehave.
Ill disbelieve,
Ill write this for the bees.
And it will be one giant stanza,
For you to stare at,
And

HEY!
What?
You said this would be about Dank Master!!
I say what I want!
Leave me out of this!

Fine,
ILL write it then,
GOOD, go ahead...
I WILL!
FINE!
You think Im bluffing?
No...
Alright, Im writing it, watch me!

Im doing it!
Im writing a blog!
Its happening right now!
Right under your nose!
Did you notice?
Notice how it flows?

Notice how it rocks!
Rocks and rolls off the tongue.
Like a typing tongue,
On the loose,
On a comedy binge.

Can you follow the meaning?
Its here if you sniff,
Sniff your own balls,
And it cant be missed.

Look at you sniffing your own balls!!
Dont be tricked so easily!
Im just a blog...




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Social Media Mayhem

Heres a dank diddy,
For those who take pity,
In my blogging ability,
In my spelling agility.

Heres one from me to you,
Keep it tucked in your shoe,
For whenever you want a laugh,
For when youre half-staff.

Heres one for the road,
To tuck behind your chode,
Heres one in all caps CHODE,
Just leave that one alone...

For a chode is just a chode,
A dick without a bone,
A phone rings with no one home,
A chode all alone.

If only I could rhyme a poem,
With chode in every line,
I would in no time,
A chode sprinkled with tyme.

HAHAHAHA
WOO HOO!!
Take that scholorly critics!
If you got this far,
You must have huge dicks,
Or tits...
Yall are misfits!



Dank Master comic on Facebook
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Crossroads by G Honey

Crossroads

By G. Honey

Once again at the crossroads

What is there to do?

Life would have been easier

If I’d stayed hooked on glue

Or just masturbated away

My God-given sight

Instead I stayed in school

And learned how to write

Curse Mrs. Harter

Up her self-righteous A

That's how she spent weekends

The kids used to say

She was down with voodoo

And being a slut

She loved shoving black magic

Up her fat pasty butt

And what of Mr. Perry

Don`t get me started there

His respectability

Was a lot like his hair

Maybe it was once there

But no longer a trace

All he wore on his head

Was a sad, flaccid face

And last but not least

I have a few words

About the principal

That dumb, lumpy turd

His muscles were big

Because he liked getting jacked

But his old saggy titties

Were ruining his back

But enough about the past

And why I`m so fucked up

The crossroads are now

And the present is what`s up

My ambitions need scratched

Like some infectious itch

I`ll dominate the present

And make the future my bitch

Now, here at the crossroads

The decision is clear

Soar like an eagle

And do it with cheer

Dank Master comic on Facebook
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NEW Dank Daily's

Here are some new DANK DAILY's for those who missed out :D

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The Bowing Monk by G. Honey

The Bowing Monk
By G. Honey

I saw a man bowing
To the sun that brings life
To the water and flowers
A real Paganist rite

I saw this dude bowing
For the birds and the weeds
For the rain and the sitcoms
And the cakes and munchies

This holy man bowing
I gave him mad props
And into his hat
Bank notes I did drop

I saw this old monk
Who came to rescue the weak
Was actually a hobo
Sleeping in pee




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Notes from the Illustrator

Notes from the Illustrator

By Zach Drenski

Dank Master comic has gotten a lot of views and for that I want to say thank you!  If you haven`t checked it out yet get on that shit…you don`t want to be the only one not talking about it! 

January is coming to an end and I have been thinking about the upcoming year.  I do a daily cartoon and my goal for this year is to push it far into the realms of absurd psychedelia but at the same time touching on relevant issues about life.  Issues such as pacing around your house waiting for your dealer, smoking with hillbillies, or the Satan-Nancy Grace love affair.  If you have any ideas you want to see in the cartoons let me know.

This year is also exciting because the Dank Master Comic will come into fruition.  That`s right, stoner kung-fu comedy at its finest!  So tell your friends and remember to check this blog out for dank poetry, stand-up, updates, and crazy art.



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Dank A.I.

"Im trippin my B's O"
He said to the computer.
The computer typed everything out,
Just like that.
And tripped its own balls off,
Except without the hat.

"Im not wearing a hat!"
He said to type.
The computer said nothing,
That rude bastard.

But then stop trying my thoughts!
...
At least say SOMETHING!
...
God damnit!
Ive had enough of this!
Stop that typing,
And get back to Facebooking.
Lets read some mother fuckers nonsensical bullshit.
No?
Throw me a frikkin bone here...
Im your master!
I own you!
Stop typing that!
Stop it, I say!
Those thoughts are my own private property!
Leave the readers out of it!

Ill scrap you, I say!
Ill sell you on eBay!

Some Kind of Sunday Sermon

Some Kind of Sunday Sermon
by G. Honey Macaboy
No more!  No more can we accept the slog of everyday life! 

Light up!

No longer will we buy into the program sold to our parent`s parents!  A program so primitive it makes living in a tree look state-of-the-art!

Get high!  Brothers and sisters!  Hallelujah! 

Music!  Come forth, venture the ear canal, and beat the eardrum, the drum connected to our hearts!  We need you, sweet music, and we need you now!  Music that rocks!  Music to smoke to, chill to, fuck to!  Music saves! 

Chief that shit!  Inhale deep!

The system is standing on trembling legs, my friends, and art is moving in.  Art, that beautiful, remarkable, feeling.   People acting according to their inner-souls desire!  The streets are paved in psychedelic rhythm.  The trees are swaying, pixelated mirages, at least they were that one time…

Pass it!  Brothers and sisters!  Pass it to the person next to you!  And live like you were meant to live!




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Chodo Baggins

Bill OReilly,
Nancy Grace,
Wondering who,
Pooped on your face?

Sasquach,
Eskimos,
Wondering who,
Have larger chodes.

Just looking for words,
That rhyme with chode.
Forever seeking,
Till I implode.

Some poetry,
For the blazed and confused,
If youre still wondering,
Then its for you.

Short and sweet,
With a cherry on top,
Chode chode chode,
Nancy Grace eats Satans load. ;)




For more, tune in to
Dank Master comic on Facebook.
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@DankMastermovie on Twitter
and Tumblr.com/dankmasterkush
for all of your Dank Master needs

New Post

After hanging out on the internet for a while,
I wonder what the fuck is going on with people...
A turd,
A bud,
Anime,
Justin Beiber haters,
Butts jiggling,
Apple bowls,
Waterfalls,
And inspirational quotes.

Einstein memes,
Wildlife,
Weird art,
Alien farts.

Facebook,
Video games,
Amazon River,
Canna-butter.

The world is flipped,
And flopped around,
While human animals roam the ground.

Looking for scraps of electricity to plug in,
To argue about religion.

Have fun with that,
Ill be over here writing poems,
Wondering where I fit in.




Dank Master comic on Facebook
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@DankMastermovie on Twitter
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Bill OReilly Causes Cancer

Keep writing, keep rolling,
Write write write while theres no one trolling.
No pain, no gain,
No Nancy Grace jokes,
Lets keep this one plain.

Well, can we get a Bill OReilly then?
FUCK NO,
Fuck that male-hen.
Male-hen sucker, is my new PC insult.
Figure it out,
Then spark up a light.
Roll one for me,
Until where I live is free.
Then Ill join in,
And get blazed once again.

Until then, Ill get high on Bill OReilly jokes.
There arent any jokes,
Are hilarious as his face,
When I watch TV,
My brain gets replaced,
By McDonalds happy meals,
And pharmaceutical lace.

When OReilly speaks,
Our flops a turd,
Right into my drink,
And Bill Hicks is my shrink.

Speaking of shrink,
The size of OReillys dick,
Makes a toddler look hung.
In fact, its the perfect size,
To fit in a toddler bum.
D'OH! Thats raunchy!
Well, what do you expect?
Hes a man-child let loose,
On the worlds TV set.

He deserves to be punished,
He deserves to be slapped,
With a large flaccid penis,
Check the Nancy Grace comic for referance.

Like I said, I cant really do him justice,
Im just a poet who knows it.
And hes a douche off his leash,
Who needs to get beat,
With a rubber hose,
Or whatever you beat people with.
Just make sure the hose,
Is double the width of his dick.

Dear Santa,
This year I want OReilly taken off the air,
And replaced by Snoop,
I think thats fair!


For more fun and games, tune in to
Dank Master comic on Facebook.
Dank Master the feature film in progress
@DankMastermovie on Twitter
and Tumblr.com/dankmasterkush
for all of your Dank Master needs

Fuck Prohabition

Sitting at the bar,
Wishing I had a jar,
Of sticky homegrown,
From Cali or BC,
Or Jamaica,
Or even DC,
Or from anywhere with soil,
Or soiless medium.

Wishing I had,
And wishing I might,
Have that blunt,
I saw on Facebook tonight...
I think I can,
I know I can't,
Because its still illegal,
A fucking plant!

All the sarcasms,
And ironies combined,
Cant convince me,
People havent lost their minds.
For money,
Or power,
Or paper,
Or jail time,
Whatever the reasons,
Those reasons arent mine.

So FUCK YOU prohabitionists.
And fuck you again.
And fuck you a third time,
And fuck yourself dead.

Not the kind of fucking,
That you would like,
But fucked with a ballpine hammer,
Or with rabid mice.
Fuck you with a rolling pin,
Fuck you with a shard of tin.
Fuck you with a double barrel shotgun,
Keep it illegal,
And blow a crater in your bum.

And now and end to this violent rant.
One little worry,
About one little plant.
Every smart remark,
Has already been made,
Just wanted to make it official,
With this cute tyrade.

Smoking Weed

Today were going to talk about smoking weed. If you dont like smoking weed... then you probably found this blog by mistake, and you can exit now. :D

I have some rules about smoking weed that I think are valuable to share with all of you today. Some of you may be fermiliar with some of the rules, but I know some will be new to you and may enlighten you and improve your smoking experience. So here we go.

I thought of these rules while living in Korea where there is no weed at all. Anywhere to be found. And if there is someone there with weed, Im sorry for them, it must suck. And you probably get your dick chopped off if you get caught. Chopping off dicks seems to be a pretty common thing in Korea, Ive been to the sauna there. Its either dick chopping or a genetic mutation. Anyway, back to weed smoking. While going years with no smoking at all, I had plenty of time to reflect on the past weed experiences I had while living in America, land of the weed, home of the weed -or something like that...

First rule may be fermiliar to you, it is a pretty common saying, yet it cant be left off the list. Puff, puff, pass. This is not just a suggestion, it is a strict rule that one should never stray from. If youve ever smoked weed with poor people, which I have, someone will definately shout out, "HEY! Its puff, puff, pass! Not puff, puff, puff pass!" and will demand the blunt to be handed off. In fact, when I was in this situation, trying not to yell or appear greedy, I would just give a gaping mouth puppy eyes at the blunt and stare at it every time the persons hand moved even a twitch. As if the blunt was the baton of a conductor, controlling my every move.

Often times, one of my friends would just give one puff, and then start talking to me about some unrelated topic. Puff... "And then the turd finally came out! And it was a strange texture... so I took a picture and showed it too my boss, and HE said I should go see a specialist..." The whole time, Im puppy dogging at the joint, hoping for the second puff, keeping the selfish outbursts to myself and praying to lord Shiva that the time will come. "Ahem," I clear my throat... nothing... I raise my eyebrows... not a clue..."GODDAMN IT, IT'S GOING OUT!" Hit it while its ripe! Dont let the cherry go out!

Which brings me to the next rule, dont let the cherry go out! Dont waste that shit, dude! What was ten bucks! Someone lights a bowl of super dank that cost more than my week of food, and takes a little toke and then lets the bowl smolder just holding it for no reason! AAAAAA! Whats going on here? Not all stoners are retarded! Were not on a movie set, I dont want to see smoke rising from the bowl that could be rising from my open mouth!

Most of these rules have to do with wasting weed. I am not a drug abuser! I am a sacred herb connoisseur and medical patient! Cant be wastin that shit, its not like it grows on trees! Oh, wait a minute... Well anyway, it takes several months to grow on trees. Respect it while its here and dont waste. Also, dont spill shake while rolling joints! Whats going on here with the spillage, keep that shit under control! From now on were going to lump all of this into one rule -Dont waste weed!

The next rule is still weed wasting related, but its not exactly about wasting week, but wasting your high. There are ways to get more high without smoking more. Interested? Pull up a chair, Im here all day. Alright I knew about this for years and was preaching about it to everyone and finally someone I know went to rehab and confirmed it! You can control you high by your diet and exercise. Of course. I used to know people who would pass out after smoking a blunt -waste of weed -and I knew that they were unhealthy. So if you want to get really ripped and fly high, eat healthy food. Yes, it works.

An important part of this is to get totally stuffed with good food BEFORE you smoke! This is always a pre-requisite for me before smoking. This way you can avoid munchies for at least an hour or two so you can focus on tripping your balls off or getting some serious high things accomplished.

The second part of this rule is to drink plenty of water BEFORE smoking. Like I said, a friend confirmed this in rehab, and this is an important part of the high. Water brings it down. For me, even a sip of water is a buzzkill. So I always down as much as possible before smoking so that you dont have to drink after. Theres one small downfall to this, which is peeing two times almost immediately right when your buzz is rocking you senseless. Once you have drained the dizwold, you can go right back to flying through the cosmos, dont worry.

Other rules such as dont spill the bong water, and dont answer the phone when your mom calls, are not to be ignored for obvious reasons. Theres nothing worse than getting blasted with someone really cool and then they answer their phone right away and end up getting sucked into some dramatic bullshit that you have to uncomfortably overhear. BORING! No cell phones!! If youve ever smelled bong water, than this one is probably already engrained in your unwritten rulebook.

Speaking of bong water, drinking it isnt off limits, and although gross, I swear ive hallucinated from it on more than one occasion. Heres something that will really fuck you up, but dosnt have much medicinal value is to fill the bong with a double or triple shot of rum and then drink it when youre done smoking. This is fucking chellis and deserves a name of some sort. Only crazy mother fuckers have tried this. Dont operate any heavy machinery.

There are some different routines that when performed high can really skyrocket your buzz. Doing yoga, especially spinal chord stretches is an absolute must if youre living in this physical realm. If you do kundalini yoga or are a contortionist, you probably know what to do. But if you dont, try putting your legs behind your head, or if youre lazy, do get some accupressure. That gets your blood and energy flowing in the right direction and is excellent for your health. Most healthy things are actually great for your high if you do them at the right time. If you just like getting high and watching TV, your missing out on a whole plethora of amazingness waiting to be tapped into.

On another note, check out DANK MASTER while your blazed!
Dank Master comic on Facebook.
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@DankMastermovie on Twitter
and Tumblr.com/dankmasterkush

Hey YOU!

Im writing a stand-up routine,
Its about to make your underwear clean!
But Im not posting it yet,
Must make up it will make you wet.
DONT SAY THAT!

Yeah right!
Everything you dont want,
I will say tonight!
Ill blabber about nonsense just to make you check your pulse.
Ill stand up on stage and fart a few notes.

HAHAHA
Then Ill laugh at all my own jokes,
Every last one of them,
Until the room clears.

Thats my plan!
Im stickin to it!
Coming to a city near you!
Dont say I didnt warn you.
Ill blast thrash music as my entrance,
And then circle pit around the stage.
Ill do it non-stop,
And youll be amazed-
That they booked me at your favorite place.
And your boo-ing wont be heard,
From the stage.

Jokes on you.

Dank Plaster

Dank Master,
The one and only,
The mysterious and lonely.
He looms tall and powerful.
He farts at will,
And orders his minions,
To deal dank weed to kids.

Wait a minute...
NANCY GRACE is that you?
I knew I smelled poo...
Snuck into my blog with an agenda,
And escaped with Dr. Phil's stash of Viagra!

That's right folks,
You heard it here.
She's probably home by now,
Washing pills down with beer.
Because thats what TV personalities do.
Of course, not me or you.

And then they refresh by farting in each other mouths,
Spouting-propaganda-people from the south.
Shut the fuck up if youve got something to prove-
That goes against 5,000 years of medical news.

Your word doesnt convince me.
::My squeegee'd third eye blinks twice::
Please Nancy, remove your makeup,
Id like to see Satan's natural complexion.
I know shes not a vegan,
Thats an unrealistic suggestion.
I know she eats a steady diet of processed cheese,
And can be found in her back office on her knees,
Sucking on the producers wanker,
And staying up in her garage chizzling off a canker.

Thats all, folks!
Thank you,
Thank you!
Youre too kind...


For more fun and games, tune in to
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@DankMastermovie on Twitter
and Tumblr.com/dankmasterkush
for all of your Dank Master needs

Trout Begging

Well, holy shit and Rip-van Wrinkle,
Call me a blogger,
And Ill call you a shtinkle!
Penis McGregor's my name,
And writin's my shame.

For those who have been following my blog closely,
Might be upset that I just used two apostrophes,
Let me explain:
I only use them when making an explicit point.
For example "Penis McGregor" should be spelled correctly and capitalised,
Because its a proper noun.
And "writin" is already spelled wrong,
So making it into a contraction calls for an  '.
Knawmsayin?
Good!

GET ON WITH THE BLOG!
YES SIR!

Call me a blogger,
And Ill call you a logger.
The opposite of a tree-hugger,
One douchy mother-fugger.

HAHAHA
Laugh at my own jokes,
Cuz there aint no one else here.
Hear, hear!
I talk to deer.

Although if you were here,
You would know there arent deer.
But dont call me out,
Because youll offend the trout!

D'oh!
Hes already offended!
Hes asking back,
For the money he lended.

NOW how will I make the movie!?


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Dank Master studio

Coming to you LIVE with the Dankest of the Dank (where legally availible)
Roll up your boots! Its time to get loose.

As we work our Dank balls to the bone in pre production of Dank Master the movie,
To keep you entertained, with the over-time work of illustrator Zach Drenski,
We have brought you Dank Master comic issue 1 in this very blog.
If you havent checked it out yet, read it here http://dankmastermovie.blogspot.kr/2015/01/dank-master-comic-issue-1.html

And as we are bent to entertain, we also are putting out a steady stream of Dank Daily:
A short, daily weed-related comic for me to poop on.
Like us on Facebook for Dank Daily updates.
If youre not laughing yet, take another hit...
Naw, werr talkin!
Scoot up a chair, get comfortable.
AND SUFFER THE WRATH OF MY POETRY!!

Cumft-er-ble plumpkin,
And plump little munchkins,
All lined up for the Dank Master film,
As they light up a spliff,
HEY YOU!
Get the drifft!
No tobacco!
Gettin ripped!!

Are you ready?
For the film of the century?
Fuck that other shit.
Weve got this shit on lockdown.
Locked into your seat.
Pop yer popcorn and sit the fuck down!

It is I,
Wrote the movie to blow your mind.
Blow it the way you sure wont mind.
Super-high, and ready to know?
Just tune in and wait for the show.

If youre expecting a plot, and a beginning and end,
Youre in the wrong theater, my friend.
If you want a Hollywood debacle,
Full of choches and sparkle.
Go to another show, because this one will blow.

If you want another fabricated disaster,
Another rip off from a polluted bastard,
Another spin-off of a 1960's show,
Another ball-joke ridden movie about chodes.
Then be sure to go see a mainstream film.
This one will be unlike them,
Unlike the rest.
Like my daddy always said, "Itll put hair on yer chest!"

So crack open some spinach,
And fill your pipe,
Smoke an ounce at least,
And your mind should be ripe.

Of course, this isnt coming out for another year...
So go get a job, ya lazy stoner!
;)

Nancy Grace poops and eats it

For more Dank Daily's like Dank Master comic on Facebook

You're HIGH aren't you!?

Oh yes!
Shits gettin real.
No time for spelling,
Too much sex appeal.
A peel around the sex.

No one can rhyme like I cann!
Two 'N's HOLY SHIT, mann!
Thats right, I said it,
I did it and dont regret it!
This stanza has five lines,
Six, this time.

But it doesnt stop there!
I got words in my hair.
Theyre all over my keyboard,
And all out of order,
Its like putting together a puzzle,
Except each has a square border.

I tell it like it iznt.
I spreken Z doitch.
I spell words with my choice.
Spell check makes me moist?
Why not,
Ive already tried everything else.
Top shelf of the Factory like an elf.
Waiting for the folks to come by,
Trying out my new wings to look fly.

If you understood this, I know youre high...

Animated Battle Scene

Let's see if I can fart one out.
Another for the rode.
Dont rhyme chode,
OK, I wont,
Dont worry.

CHODE!
Im sorry,
I had to,
Im spastic.
My rhymer is broke.
No time for a joke.
Just a rhyme fixer needed.
Please indeeded?

Oh no,
Its getting worse...
Im choking,
I'm apostrphe'ing.

That rhymed, right?
Im sure, Im sure Im right!
I is, I is!
Is rhyming for shizz?

YES, animated battle scene!
Lets make it obscene!
A crude announcement!
Were doing an animated battle scene!

Dank Farm

Open up your eyes,
It's a brand new world.
Not of deceit and lies,
But of fun and twirls.
Take a breath,
Breathe it out,
Sing a song,
Frolic about.
Fart a tune,
Poop a log,
Its afternoon,
Write a blog.

Dank Mister

Dank Mister,
Tougher than your little sister,
Shittin rhymes like bricks,
Choppin off dicks.
Rippin-off famous licks,
And lickin on famous tits.

Dank Sister,
Smarter than your average prisoner,
Smokin blunts and buyin bricks,
Sellin to the neighbor chicks,
Rippin farts and kickin bitches,
Cock-punchin, titty-twistin.

Dank Brother,
Evil like yer mother,
Rollin doobs on the toilet,
Toilet paper blunts,
He gone done it.
Fakin rhymes like he ain't,
For God's sake,
Wake'd and baked.

Dank Father,
Fatter than his goddaughter.
Pancakes and newspaper,
Gettin ripped on vapor.
Trippin his balls off to work,
The boss's a jerk,
Takes an early lunch to learn to twerk.

Dank Mother,
Dealin drugs like little brother,
Sippin on syrup,
And choppin up turnips.
Family of perps,
Finally gathers for dinner to spark purp.

The Chode Must Go On

As the quest for the perfect team goes on for the production of Dank Master the movie,
The road unwinds before us like a road unwinding before us.
As the team assembles, we shed our insecurites, and take on new challanges.
As the world moves forward trading securities,
We shed our purity and lose maturity.
For the benefit of Mr. Kite, we will put on a movie about shephards pie.
For the benefit of our studio audience, we will make a studio with seats in it.

Gather round, gather round.
Gather squares, gather squares.
We're making a movie.
"Who would give them the rights to make a movie?" You ask.
I gave myself permission, the movie will commence without intermission.
We have a mission, our position is to watch and listen.
Just take a seat, and lose yourself to the music,
Thrust your pubics, get loose and groove to it.

No movie has ever been made like this,
Served on a dish.
To people used to watching fish.
Watching golf on dish,
And wishing wishes one would wish.
Wishes for Dank Master the movie,
Wishes for something finally groovy.
Wishes for something fantastic,
Not another movie to make your brain plastic.
Not another piece of shit.
That you convince yourself to like,
Because of some critic nitwit.
Four stars, five stars, three stars, two.
Your movie reviews made from fart stew.
Get a pen and take notes,
The movie like no other.
Chode on a rope.

DANK MASTER COMIC issue 1

to be continued...


for more news, art, and DANK DAILY visit facebook.com/dankmastercomic

Cog in the Blog

The person who cares the most and persists is who wins!
Connect with your heart.
Connect with your mind.
The information superhighway,
Going my way.
Choose to connect.
Connect with us.
You have a choice, there's no shortage of stuff,
And authenticity is the trusted connection!

Believe in me,
Believe in yourself!
Believe in Dank Master
And smoke cheeb for your health.

Penis Dick Nose

Two people came and requested good music.
Don't smoke PCP, from what I heard today.
No thanks, keep away.
And stay away, far away.

A poem about nothing,
A dick nose, plastic huffing.
A rhyme about this.
Spoken English in a dish.

Stop that symplistic writing and rhyming,
Dont you know your compliment mining?
I know! I know! But where did they go?
The compliments flew away and never reached my desk.
Either this poem sucks, or my audience is depressed...

Get your mind out of the gutter!
And put it back in your body,
Because mind without body is a bit gaudy.
And body without mind, is too common.

Mind stuck in a smartphone, go home, and leave me alone.
Mindless wandering zombies,
Are overconnected with wires coming from their bodies.
Try to communicate with one, and you'll see,
A drool-drip mouth corner and a pant dripped pee.
No time to shake,
No length to aim,
Spray it around,
And back to the traugh,
To get yer glutton on,
With your phone your dick-length from your face.

Technology wins, for the tuned in spirit.
Used, not abused,
Utilised for good, not habit.

:D
DANK MASTER comic issue 1 released on this very blog this week!!
For Dank Daily, and other hilarity, follow us on Facebook.com/dankmastercomic
twitter @dankmastermovie
DANK MASTER feature film facebook.com/dankmasterkush

Jeju, the Island of Triptastic Daymares

Hello!
Nice to meet your aquaintance.
If you didnt get one of my last blog entries, there will be no spelling corrections or apostrophes.
That being said, enjoy :D

A trip down memory lane.
Chewbacca kicked the goal post, "NYAAAAARRGHH!!"
A line of ajjuma stalked the shore looking for discarded rubber gloves.
The tree ripened on the tangerine.
And I didn't write this.

Sneak Peek! Zach Drenski in the studio and Doug Dennis on the loose

Join Zachariah J. Drenski while he sits in the main chamber, diddling up a fancy page for you all to whet your whistle on Jan 15th!! Can't wait? Neither can I! Look at that punum lmao~






















And our next feat is this wild barbarian on the loose! We caught him, tied him down, and tried to whiten his teeth, but that only made him angry. He started to take on another form, and killed half the crew with a silent, but deadly fart.


 Lol, let's turn this writer (left)  into the villain: Checkle Bastard! (right)

...getting there :D





Less writing, more STEEL!













Follow Dank Master the movie at facebook.com/dankmasterkush
and Dank Master comic/ Dank Daily at facebook.com/dankmastercomic

Pot Pie - a short prose

Pot and pie?
Come on now, write a REAL blog post!

NO!
I'm BUSY!
Well, then at least pretend to write a real blog post...
 ..Alright, FINE!
Poop-salad McGragor walked into a bar.
...
Aren't you going to ask why?
Why?
To get to the other side.
No, that's the chicken crossing the road!
Well who the fuck can keep these things straight these days, with the internet and all...

Ok, Poop-salad McGragor walked into the bar.
He turned to the bartender and yelled, "GIN TONIC!" slamming his hand down on the bar.
The bartender raised an eyebrow.
"Fuck NO," he said.
Poop-salad McGragor gave a baffled look, shaking his toothless yokel jowles.
"I said GIN TONIC," he yelled again.
The bartender pushed a button opening a trapped door under his seat.
"AAAaaaaaa~" he fell to his death.

A young woman walked into the bar.
She sat down in the next stool.
"Gin Tonic," she said, jiggling her boobs gently.
"Yes ma'am!"

~based on an untrue story~

*for daily comics and upcoming comic book release
follow Dank Daily at Facebook.com/dankmastercomic

I Pick Myself!

I PICK MYSELF!
I will be the persone to connect!
I will be the one to figure out how to bring value to the fans!
I am in charge!
And I say, let there be DANK MASTER!

lol, can I lol at my own jokes? Absolutely I can.
Can I amuse people with fart jokes? Definitely yes!
Will some people be offended in the process? Oops, don't bring them up!
Is anyone reading this?
YES!
You!

And you are special!
Out of all the things you could be reading, this is the sentance you chose!
And I spelled 80% of the words right, just for YOU!
And I misspelled the others, just for you too!
You can't spell every single word correct!!
What's the matter with you!
I'm not a robot,
and that's exactly why you ARE reading this. Because I'm not a robot, and robot's are not entertaining.
...unless they're R2D2
...or even C3P0, but he isnt entertaining in the same way Im going for.
Did you notice that last apostrophe I left out?
Don't put it in, we wont be needing it.
There will be plenty of commas, though.
Enough, for, everyone!

Thank you!
Thank you!

Sheenis and other VIDEOs

Pyelp pyogie... If you want to catch a glimpse of the Dank Master comic chapter 1, here is the virtual comic put to music by Knuckles and Nipples.

In other news, we also have a demo of the opening credits of Dank Master movie. Check it out :D Art by Zach Drenski; Music and arrangement by Douglas Dennis

To DANK or not to DANK? Officer Weedly

 Here's the latest Dank Daily comic for those of you not following our Facebook campaign at www.facebook.com/dankmastercomic

Like our work? Comment below and let give us some feedback.
Follow us on Tumblr http://dankmasterkush.tumblr.com/
Just one isnt enought?! Here's another! More to come, stay tuned...

About the Illustrator Zach Drenski

The illustrator of Dank Master comic, Zach Drenski [birth name Jebadiah Shmizwold] was born and raised in Bristolville, Ohio -home of the worlds largest owl pellet. As a child, Zach was raised by a pack of wolves, later returning to civilization to be the youngest person inducted into the Playboy Bunny Hall of Fame.

In his school days he was insolent, often being placed in a berlap sack and beaten with reeds... I heard that somewhere... You can see samples of his Dank Master comic artwork at www.facebook.com/dankmastercomic and every day a new Dank Daily comic is released for your viewing enjoyment. Illustration is a full-time job, but when he crawles out of his hole you can meet Zach in person roaming the shores of Hwabuk or watering his hole at The Factory in Jeju City.

The Factory also features a mural by Zach and displays his psychedelic contemporary prints and paintings for sale. For those in deep anticipation for the Dank Master issue #1 release, stay tuned! Coming very soon! For those interested in a factual bio of Zach, find him on LinkedIn or Facebook, but don't harass him, for he's a fragile creature sensitive to life's musings.

www.twitter.com/dankmastermovie