Smoking Weed

Today were going to talk about smoking weed. If you dont like smoking weed... then you probably found this blog by mistake, and you can exit now. :D

I have some rules about smoking weed that I think are valuable to share with all of you today. Some of you may be fermiliar with some of the rules, but I know some will be new to you and may enlighten you and improve your smoking experience. So here we go.

I thought of these rules while living in Korea where there is no weed at all. Anywhere to be found. And if there is someone there with weed, Im sorry for them, it must suck. And you probably get your dick chopped off if you get caught. Chopping off dicks seems to be a pretty common thing in Korea, Ive been to the sauna there. Its either dick chopping or a genetic mutation. Anyway, back to weed smoking. While going years with no smoking at all, I had plenty of time to reflect on the past weed experiences I had while living in America, land of the weed, home of the weed -or something like that...

First rule may be fermiliar to you, it is a pretty common saying, yet it cant be left off the list. Puff, puff, pass. This is not just a suggestion, it is a strict rule that one should never stray from. If youve ever smoked weed with poor people, which I have, someone will definately shout out, "HEY! Its puff, puff, pass! Not puff, puff, puff pass!" and will demand the blunt to be handed off. In fact, when I was in this situation, trying not to yell or appear greedy, I would just give a gaping mouth puppy eyes at the blunt and stare at it every time the persons hand moved even a twitch. As if the blunt was the baton of a conductor, controlling my every move.

Often times, one of my friends would just give one puff, and then start talking to me about some unrelated topic. Puff... "And then the turd finally came out! And it was a strange texture... so I took a picture and showed it too my boss, and HE said I should go see a specialist..." The whole time, Im puppy dogging at the joint, hoping for the second puff, keeping the selfish outbursts to myself and praying to lord Shiva that the time will come. "Ahem," I clear my throat... nothing... I raise my eyebrows... not a clue..."GODDAMN IT, IT'S GOING OUT!" Hit it while its ripe! Dont let the cherry go out!

Which brings me to the next rule, dont let the cherry go out! Dont waste that shit, dude! What was ten bucks! Someone lights a bowl of super dank that cost more than my week of food, and takes a little toke and then lets the bowl smolder just holding it for no reason! AAAAAA! Whats going on here? Not all stoners are retarded! Were not on a movie set, I dont want to see smoke rising from the bowl that could be rising from my open mouth!

Most of these rules have to do with wasting weed. I am not a drug abuser! I am a sacred herb connoisseur and medical patient! Cant be wastin that shit, its not like it grows on trees! Oh, wait a minute... Well anyway, it takes several months to grow on trees. Respect it while its here and dont waste. Also, dont spill shake while rolling joints! Whats going on here with the spillage, keep that shit under control! From now on were going to lump all of this into one rule -Dont waste weed!

The next rule is still weed wasting related, but its not exactly about wasting week, but wasting your high. There are ways to get more high without smoking more. Interested? Pull up a chair, Im here all day. Alright I knew about this for years and was preaching about it to everyone and finally someone I know went to rehab and confirmed it! You can control you high by your diet and exercise. Of course. I used to know people who would pass out after smoking a blunt -waste of weed -and I knew that they were unhealthy. So if you want to get really ripped and fly high, eat healthy food. Yes, it works.

An important part of this is to get totally stuffed with good food BEFORE you smoke! This is always a pre-requisite for me before smoking. This way you can avoid munchies for at least an hour or two so you can focus on tripping your balls off or getting some serious high things accomplished.

The second part of this rule is to drink plenty of water BEFORE smoking. Like I said, a friend confirmed this in rehab, and this is an important part of the high. Water brings it down. For me, even a sip of water is a buzzkill. So I always down as much as possible before smoking so that you dont have to drink after. Theres one small downfall to this, which is peeing two times almost immediately right when your buzz is rocking you senseless. Once you have drained the dizwold, you can go right back to flying through the cosmos, dont worry.

Other rules such as dont spill the bong water, and dont answer the phone when your mom calls, are not to be ignored for obvious reasons. Theres nothing worse than getting blasted with someone really cool and then they answer their phone right away and end up getting sucked into some dramatic bullshit that you have to uncomfortably overhear. BORING! No cell phones!! If youve ever smelled bong water, than this one is probably already engrained in your unwritten rulebook.

Speaking of bong water, drinking it isnt off limits, and although gross, I swear ive hallucinated from it on more than one occasion. Heres something that will really fuck you up, but dosnt have much medicinal value is to fill the bong with a double or triple shot of rum and then drink it when youre done smoking. This is fucking chellis and deserves a name of some sort. Only crazy mother fuckers have tried this. Dont operate any heavy machinery.

There are some different routines that when performed high can really skyrocket your buzz. Doing yoga, especially spinal chord stretches is an absolute must if youre living in this physical realm. If you do kundalini yoga or are a contortionist, you probably know what to do. But if you dont, try putting your legs behind your head, or if youre lazy, do get some accupressure. That gets your blood and energy flowing in the right direction and is excellent for your health. Most healthy things are actually great for your high if you do them at the right time. If you just like getting high and watching TV, your missing out on a whole plethora of amazingness waiting to be tapped into.

On another note, check out DANK MASTER while your blazed!
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